Part 3: Sharpening

If you know me, you know that I...."have a lot of words".

I love to talk and I love to write.  If you have joined me on this blog journey for any length of time, you know that I have a desire to write more but I just don't have the inspiration all the time.  I have a dream of being published in print one day. Until that happens though, I've got this blog and a Young Authors award from St. Lucie County Schools that I racked up in 4th grade to show for it. 

This week, I have been unpacking what God did in my heart through the IF:Gathering. 

(You can check out Part 1 and Part 2 here)

It was Friday night and the fiesty Australian woman was on the stage. She will cut you but in a good way, with scripture. 

Speaking about amazing things that God's people did, she said, "If you want to accomplish a dream God gave you, you're going to need God to do it."  

You know those montages in movies, like when people are dying, and their whole life plays out before their eyes?  That is what that moment was like. 

God connected what He was teaching me about together putting(part 1) His words and staying(part 2) in the season He has me with a dream He placed on my heart. 

Could it be, that the reason my well of spiritual words flows infrequently is that I am not sinking in and sitting in uncomfortable places long enough to together put what God has for me? 

The world does not need one more opinion, it needs hope. Hope is born out of struggle and maybe just maybe God needs me to stay in seasons where I struggle to give testimony to the hope He gives.

But that's messy and sometimes it hurts. 

It was Saturday night and I was home coloring with Emily. We usually use crayons but this time we pulled out the color pencils. 

She handed me the pink one and I began to sharpen it. The shavings fell. 

Emily looked at the shavings and looked back at me. "Mama, why is that a mess?" 

Without thinking, I replied, "Because that's what happens when we sharpen things."

Whoop, there it is. 

SHOOK. DED. Insert all the trendy phrases.  The Lord hit me. 

Pencils are sharpened by cutting and shaving and it's messy and if the pencil could feel, I bet it would be painful.  Putting God's words into action in your life and staying in what He has for you is sometimes messy but you for sure come out sharper. And, to be honest, I need the Lord to remove the parts of me that are less like Him anyway. 

As I am frantically writing down the exchange that just unfolded,  I look over at Emily and she's trying to sharpen the pink pencil again. Notice the again, we are going to get worn down more than once and will need sharpened more than one. 

She looks up at me and says, "Mama, I don't know how to sharpen this, will you help me?"

My face felt heavy and my eyes felt watery.  

It was almost like God whispered, "Right there, that's what I want from you. Seek what I am doing, put it together in your heart, stay in it and ask me to help."  

Friend, would you do that with me? 

Whatever messy place God is calling you to stay in, would you pray, "God, I don't know how to sharpen this season. Will you help me?"

Part 2: Staying

So here we are. Part 2.

Part 1 came quickly.  God had been rolling the ideas around for a few weeks so the telling was easy.

I don't really want to write part 2, though. Part 2 is the middle. Part 2 is the section where I admit fault and weakness.  I'd really like to just go ahead and write Part 3 because that's where God helped me together put(weird grammar, I know. Read part 1, you'll get it). 

I can't tell you word for word what the ladies said this weekend because I don't remember everything and well, I wouldn't say it as good as they did.  I'd love to grab coffee and show you the pages of notes with the phrases I jotted down but each one of them have the same word.

STAY.

Just typing the word, I am cut again. And, I know. You're probably wondering what is going on in my life that is allowing this word to cut me and change me but maybe this time, maybe for this next few minutes, you open your heart to the idea that this word could be for you too. So just pause, take a breath and let the word simmer. 

STAY.

It could be relationships, jobs, ministries or communities you are in and they are just messy right now. Preferably, you would tap out and be on your merry way. Let's be real and admit that there are some seasons where God might be asking you to stay and you really just don't want to.  But you don't understand, it hurts. I know. I do.  And honestly, just so we're clear. Sometimes you should go. But what if we just asked God first?  That's what Jesus did right? In the garden, remember?  The cross was going to hurt. His heart was going to break, His friends were about to let Him down and He asked God if there was any.other.way. (Matthew 26:39) and then He stayed. Knowing pain was coming, He stayed. You may be in a toxic place and you may need to leave. Your season might be done but can we just agree to ask God first?

So, we get to these seasons where it just seems like it would be easier to give up. Oswald Chambers says we get to these places where, "We'd prefer to choose the scenery of our sacrifice".  RUDE. 

This weekend, we were reminded of people who, through strength of the Spirit, did hard and seemingly foolish things and God was glorified. (1Peter 4:11)

But like, what if?

What if Noah had grown tired of building a boat in a bone dry desert?
What if Moses had just dropped his arms because I imagine that got really exhausting?
What if Esther would have fled at the idea of Hebrew annhilation?
What if Paul would have closed up shop after the first beating?

God built amazing things through people that stayed.

God gave amazing grace through Jesus, who stayed.  

"If you are the Son of God, save yourself and come down off that cross". They shouted at him. (Matt. 27:40).

Through the staying and the breaking on the cross, God built something amazing.

He built redemption.

He built a way to take us from garden fallen to grace forgiven. From weary slaves to the holy saved. From wanderers to worshippers. From entering to Promise Land to holding His Promised Hand.  

Remember the puzzle from part 1? If you tap out or give up until God is done building in your season, you might never get the pieces(or truth) you need to together put what God is doing in your life.

It's worth it. Scripture promises this in Romans 8:18. Something beautiful is coming. His glory is coming.

STAY.

Part 1: Understanding.

Recently, my friend Maggie brought to my attention a scripture that she had come across that left her unsettled. She's a smart girl and deeply loves the Lord so I was intrigued to hear what stumped her.

It's the parable of the sower. If you don't know it, it's a story Jesus tells about the condition of our hearts in relation to His message. But in Matthew 13:19, Jesus says, "Whoever hears about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart." 

Upon hearing the verse, I became unsettled as well.  Wait, so the enemy can do that? What?!

I began to do a little digging.  Time to dust off that Bible degree a bit, right? The New Testament was written in Greek so to get the full nuance, you have to look at the scripture in the original language.

The operative word in that text is "understand".  You see the Greek word there is syniemi. It's a pairing of two words, syn meaning together and heimi meaning to put.  So understanding is literally together putting. The word picture that the people smarter than me explain, is that of putting a puzzle together. The idea is that understanding means to put the words of God together and see how they fit with the rest of what God is doing in your life.

We've all done puzzles before right? You dump all the pieces out on the table before you start and individually, they are easily scattered but once they are placed and connected to the rest of the picture, they are locked in.  Ya know, and it seems that the more complicated the puzzle, the more pieces(or truth) you will need to complete it. But there the pieces sit out and exposed on the table until we put them together and anyone, the toddler, the dog, the well-meaning friend or the enemy can come and just pick them off piece by piece.

So can we agree that the truth that can be snatched is the truth we don't lock in?

This weekend while streaming the IF: Gathering,  it was evident to me that I needed to do some understanding. I needed to lock a few things into place. You know what else you do when you are putting a puzzle together?

Pay attention to every detail.

I texted my boss this afternoon and told him that I would like to be exempt from all conferences in the future. Not really but when you are leaning in at a conference and examining every part, you see things you don't notice when you aren't focused.  We're filled up at conferences because we have a posture of leaning in and examining. Better yet, can we say that we have a posture of understanding or together putting the truths of God?

But can I just get real, real with y'all? 

I did not need to be leaning in at the IF: Gathering. I did not need to be examining these last two days. I'd like to tell you it's because I am super holy and have no understanding or together putting  to do but that is not the case.

God shouted at me. Not really, but He sure was blunt.

Shoot. Now I am accountable for what I know. Dang, that's annoying sometimes. Can I say that?

I mean, I just did this. A few weeks ago, God spoke and I had to confess some things and it's just annoying, this human condition.

So here I am hearing God and needing to confess some things because if I don't lock this in, I run the risk of needing it sown in my heart again.

Quite frankly, it wouldn't be the first time I have had to learn the same lesson twice.

But it would really be great if I could get this one on the first try. 

Cup of Happy.

We're friends right?

So you believe me when I say that I write as I feel led.  Just this morning, I was getting ready and thought, I really wish I could write more often.  But the truth is, the world doesn't really need one more opinion.  So for whatever the reason, I write when prompting from the Holy Spirit comes. When it comes on, it's super obvious and impossible to ignore.

It's usually just lessons for me, that you watch while I learn them.

Every once in a while though, God gives me something that might actually be for you, dear friend.

Five minutes ago, I got one.

I have these two friends, Becky and Amy. Just typing their names, my heart pricks because I miss them so much. They're sisters and before I left WellSpring, they gave me a mug. It's my favorite mug. One, because I love coffee and two because it is from them.

Just now as I was pouring the precious caffeine into the cup, I thought about my friends. I thought to myself, That is the special thing about gifts, every time you use them, you remember the person who gave them and feel joy. 

If you didn't catch the spiritual meaning of my seemingly passing thought, then let me spell it out for you. 

It's no secret that I have a deep conviction and call to help people figure out what their redeemed purpose is or what good work they were created in God's image to do. I've taught kids, students and adults on this topic and I think it's even the answer to why we exist in the first place.

You were created with a unique gift and personal passion to use for something bigger than yourself. In the church circle, we call these spiritual gifts. There are tests and studies you can do but finding them is a sermon for another time.  If you have time, check out Romans 12 and Ephesians 2 for some Bible back up. 

Can we take a peek at Ephesians 2:10 though, "For we are God's handiwork(and by the way, that's everyone from the unborn child to the criminal on death row) created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." You have a purpose that was designed for you before you took your first breath. 

Yesterday, I posted on Insta about the joy I feel when I am leading kids in worship. Sunday was a hard day and a time or two, I fought back tears but when I got up to lead the kids and sang, I remembered Jesus. I felt joy.  There is no doubt that connecting people to Jesus is my gift and my calling but sometimes, things get foggy.  

However, That is the special thing about gifts, every time you use them, you remember the person who gave them and feel joy. 

When you are using the gifts you were given, you remember the One who gave them and it really is like you're drinking a cup of happy.