Stealing Their Joy

We did not have the ultrasound yesterday but we did have an appointment!

 The pregnancy counselor from Bethany was there, which is really good.  That gave us peace to know that She is moving forward with the process.   We heard the heartbeat.
That was the first time we heard  Halle's little heart beat. We saw it on the first ultrasound but this time we heard it.  Amazing.

She introduced us to the doctor as "Mom and Dad" of the baby. To which he replied, "Welcome to the team".   Genius. This is a team and we all have the common goal to provide for this baby.

She started telling us about how some of her family is not thrilled with her adoption plan. She told them that it is her decision and they don't get a say.  Her family started talking about the hospital and who would be there. Someone mentioned that they would like to be there with her and She replied, "Even if I don't keep the baby?" and they said, "well, no".

Then She replied, "Well then I don't want you there stealing their joy".

Later that day She and I talked about the hospital. She wants us there! She called to ask if we want them to feed the baby formula first or breast milk.  Through the generosity of other women, I am going to be able to give our baby breast milk!  She said that I would get a bracelet and that would allow me to actually take the baby. Is this real life? Even typing the words, "take the baby" make my stomach feel weird. It's like I drank a cocktail of happiness, guilt and confusion.

 I still can't picture myself with the hospital bracelet but I am trusting God for it.

Yesterday I didn't really know what I wanted to write in this update. As I opened my computer this morning, I still didn't know what I was going to write. I was thinking through the appointment and it hit me.

I have been so scared and fearful. Its a type of fear that I can't really explain. Just a general feeling of risk and exposure to personal pain but She said joy.  I need to let joy in.  It is crazy that She understands we should be joyful even in a hard time for her.  I am allowed to have joy.  It was almost like her words gave my heart permission.  She wants us to be happy about this. 

I cannot find a word for the emotion I feel but there is a picture.

Sacrifice.
God gave us Jesus so we could live in a place where the enemy can't steal our joy.
When we think about what they did to our Lord and it brings us to tears, remember He wants us to be happy about this. 

Be praying for Her and Halle. 

And if you don't know Jesus- I would love to tell you about Him.