I have been so reluctant to share what is going on. Fear that I would feel let down again, has kept me from it. I went to the 24 hour of prayer this morning and was praying over this situation. I felt led to let the world in to intercede for us but I wanted proof first. I wanted certain things to happen first. I felt like God asked me, "Are you truly being like Thomas now? Asking for physical proof that I am working on your behalf?"
So this is my way of taking a faith step.
On my way to my Grandpa's funeral, I was listening to A Thousand Gifts by Ann Voscamp. God has really used this book to change my heart. The major theme of the book is gratitude. I have not been having a grateful heart lately. I sat at a Christmas event fighting back tears because I was so hurt and angry. I felt like God was ignoring me. I knew in my head that was not the case but I felt it none the less. Anyway, the book points out how gratitude proceeded the miracle in scripture and she gives examples of this. I really felt like God was correcting me and reminding me to be thankful because of grace and that really the fact that it hasn't happened yet is God's grace.
Before I left to see my Grandpa in IN, a little selfish part of me somewhat jokingly thought, "Maybe I will tell Grandpa to tell God to give me a baby?". I knew full well that my last words to my grandpa wouldn't be self serving but I thought it none the less. Then about 30 minutes after Grandpa passed on Monday, I said to Sully and my sister, "Maybe Grandpa will tell God to give us a baby?" Two minutes later Sully's phone rang. It was a birth mom wanting to make an adoption plan. I know that theologically, it is the Holy Spirit that intercedes for us and we can talk straight to God without needing my grandpa to put in a word. However, the timing is pretty crazy. Maybe God just wanted a way for Gpa to be connected to our story. My grandpa was an orphan.
How the birth mom got our number was a crazy story as well. Lisa Slusher has been helping with an IF:Prayer event. There was a Facebook page made and I "liked" the page on Facebook. One of the admins saw that I liked it and requested to be my friend. Her dad brings the starbucks pastries to The Well. Kristy then read our blog from start to finish. She messaged me and told me that she was very touched by our story and would be praying. She is a sub nurse at Williamson Medical and works a few days per month. Shortly after she read our blog she was working in the ER. She got called into a room that was not on her rotation because the nurse assigned to that room was busy with another patient. She walked in the room and the birth mom started talking about she needed to make an adoption plan. She was admitted for migraine headaches. Kristy said she didn't know what she was allowed to say so she left the room. The nurse who was assigned to the room told Kristy that is was no accident she was called into the room instead and that she was even working that night. Kristy told me that she has been a long term believer but has never felt the Holy Spirit as strongly as she did when she went in to tell the mom about us. She did not have our personal numbers so she gave her The Well number. The mom said, "My brother went to The Well a few years ago and it was a huge help to him. That shows me what kind of people they must be." Kristy didn't know if she would call us or not but she passed on our information and left the rest up to the Lord.
Remember the book, "A Thousand Gifts"? Gratitude in my heart proceeded the miracle of this. I have a dear friend named Ashley. They got their sweet baby in August. There are a lot of similarities between their story and ours. Anyway, I called her to be praying about it and told her about how God was changing my heart through this book and how I got a call after reading it. She said, "Melissa, do you want to know when I read that book? I read that book just before we got our baby". I got chills. Do I think the book is a magic step to make things happen? No, but I think the way that God has continued to link my story and Ashley's together is really cool.
Who knows if this will all happen. There are some pretty serious things that still need worked out but none the less God has really orchestrated all this in a beautiful way. We don't know how this chapter of our story will unravel but we are ready with eyes and hands open no matter what God decides to give.
We met with her at Chuy's before we left for Christmas break. She is due March 7th and we are preparing our hearts. She would like to place with us and feels that we are meant to be the parents for this baby.
My heart is still very wounded, I am trying to inhale God's grace and exhale my thanks.
"The secret to joy is seeking God where we doubt He is." -Ann Voscamp
"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us."
1 John 5:14
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