Petition?

 
I can't see it.

I can't picture it.  I try to imagine us at the hospital and us with a baby but it is very cloudy, a strain to make anything out.

I keep feeling like this will fail too.  God carried me through that once and I know He can do it again but I can't foresee any other outcomes besides me on the floor crying again.

I am blinded by my fear.

Since December, I have been trying.  Even before I knew about Her, I have tried to count the gifts and number my thanks.  In January, I tried to better understand prayer.  I still have so many questions.   God has a plan laid out but His word tells us that we should plead our cases to Him? Does He truly change His mind or was our petitioning just part of that plan?  I am not sure I will ever grasp how the uniqueness of prayer works. I am not sure we are supposed to.  The throne of God can't be  simplified to a process or system. We can't control it.

I am struggling. Struggling to believe that Jesus would give any other outcome besides the hard one.  I have this thought in my head that I have to go through only hard things to show my love and loyalty to Him.

I find myself not wanting to pray about this or feeling like I am not praying enough.  What does enough prayer even look like?

The Spirit whispered Paul's words to me this morning.

Philippians 4

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Paul doesn't say that if we petition, we will get our desired outcome.  Instead, he says that if we petition God, He will give us unexplainable peace.

So I will petition for peace. I will practice trading my fear, worry and doubt for what is true, pure and lovely.

Will you join me?