Tomorrow.

So when I started this journey, I committed to blogging. Blogging when I am happy, blogging when I am sad and blogging when I am mad.  Much of this blog has been about the wait and my emotions surrounding it.  Now, I want to share how I feel with a birth mom in the picture.  So many adoption blogs describe the wait and then all the sudden they have babies. I had a hard time finding stories that are similar to ours, which is why I want to share the WHOLE process, not just the beginning and the end.

So tomorrow we go to an ultrasound. Let me say that again- TOMORROW we go to an ULTRASOUND! Thank you Jesus!

 There is so much running through my head.

Will the baby be okay? Will this cause her to want to parent? How do I not become attached after this? At what point do we register for stuff? I wonder what we have to have in the beginning until its final? Names?

The birth mom and I have been texting this week. Some of the sweetest messages I have seen in my life have popped up on my screen. I will treasure them forever.  I am keeping every text image, appointment card and scrap paper involved for this baby.

I really feel blessed to have this opportunity but I fear the feeling of the bottom dropping out.  I know God will sustain us if that happens but its hard to carry two big emotions at the same time. On the one hand, I am so excited that it is actually a possibility now. On the other hand, I am terrified that it will all be undone at some point.

Pray for her. Pray for the baby. Pray for us.

We are going to hear a heartbeat tomorrow. The heartbeat of our maybe baby.

Do you want to be well?

This post has nothing to do with our adoption really, but I felt called to share. This is the platform I have so here we are.

I believe a lot of people are walking around not feeling good.  There is a reason why so much national attention is going people getting healthy.  I have been on a natural health journey for a few years now. Each year I learn a little bit more, gather a new tool or understand our biochemistry in a way I hadn't before.

I wanted to share what has helped me get to a place where I feel well. I am not perfect but I would like to pass on the tools I have gathered and maybe they will help someone.

I love the question that Jesus asks the lame man in John 5, "Do you want to become well?".   It seems like a silly question but I think Jesus had a point. This man had been laying there for a very long time and to be well would be to completely change his life.

So I am asking you, if you feel bad, do you want to be well?   I am not a doctor but I have learned a lot along the way. It does take change though, major change.

Wellness Tip #1- You have to be spiritually well. I believe the way to do that is through Jesus.  I think Mind, Body and Spirit are more connected than we think.  Through the gift of the Holy Spirit we can have peace, self-control and joy. All these things help us to feel well. You can't ignore the spiritual and expect our minds to be truly well.  Read your Bible, Pray, Worship, Give and Serve.

Wellness Tip #2- Free your mind and the rest will follow. :)   Get some counseling or get in a community where you can actually tell your struggles and your fears. I think everyone would benefit from counseling. If you can't afford it- find a friend who will help you even if it isn't what you want to hear. I really believe, however, that Christian counseling is worth its weight in gold.

Wellness Tip #3- You are what you eat. Don't eat crap. Your intestinal health is the gateway to the rest of your body feeling well. Figure out what foods your body can and can't handle. Eliminate things and test them back out. The Virgin Diet is great for this.  Don't follow fads.  Don't eat gluten free just because everyone else is. Find out if you actually have an intolerance. You can do this with a food allergy panel or through an elimination diet.  I lost 15 pounds and it was not by working out but finding out what my body couldn't handle and eliminating it. You can test foods back out because sensitivities change. Eating real, whole foods will solve so many of our modern day problems. I have seen it with my own eyes. Gut issues, mood issues, hormone issues, thyroid issues  and inflammation issues can all be helped by a clean diet.  Processed food is not good for you. I still have some from time to time but if it comes from a box chances are its not real food.  Read labels. When you eat out, ask for ingredients list. Find out about the chemicals you are eating. Educate yourself. Find out why people are going organic or avoiding GMO's.  Say no. You don't have to have dessert everyday after every meal. You don't have to drink coke everyday. Say no sometimes. Use it as a treat. People say everything in moderation. I love what JJ Virgin says, "Moderation makes you fat". Its a relative term and hard to draw a line.  Find a friend who eats healthy and learn from them.  Bottom line- Have self-control, know what is in your food and where it came from.

Wellness Tip #4- Herbs, Supplements, Minerals and Oils.  When your body needs an extra push on operating correctly there are so many wonderful non-chemical things you can take. This section is about my toolkit.  There are some great books for this. I will post the links at the bottom.  I do want to say that I am not against pharmaceuticals 100%, I just think they are often used as a bandaid. I think sometimes we aren't getting to the root issue. I also think they don't have to be the first line of defense. Try something natural first and if it doesn't work, then try something a bit stronger. When we start to see symptoms, it is because something is deficient in our bodies. So instead of treating the symptoms, why not repair what is not working?  Depending on what the ailment is determines what you can use to help it. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE VITAMINS. B-12, D, E, C and MAGNESIUM are crucial.  Everyday I have a few herbs I take and some supplements. I love essential oils as well.  I would also like to add a note about that. Essential Oils are great and I think they are a big help. However, I think they should be part of a natural health toolkit, not the whole thing.  For example, if you need an amino acid for your neurotransmitters to fire correctly, an oil cannot create that amino acid. It can help with the transmitting and it can help the flight or fight response but the body will need to have that amino acid.  I think they can work together. Now for things like allergies, cramps, snoring and relaxation we love oils. I would just caution you to do your research. Some reps may tell you to ditch your RX and switch to oils. Don't do that without talking to a real doctor or a holistic practitioner. If you have questions about oils and would like to know more, let me know. I will share with you how we use them.

Wellness Tip #5- Find a doctor who will research with you. Find someone who is open to alternative methods as well as traditional methods. THESE ARE HARD TO FIND! If you don't know how to start the process or which questions to ask- I can help you with that.  My doctor and my close friends have been the biggest influencer in moving forward on this journey.  Find someone who is willing to run test after test to figure out what your body is communicating. You have to be your advocate  though. Ask questions and ask for resources. Don't sugarcoat how you feel and do what they say. Take advantage of books, seminars and webcasts that they suggest. Always be learning from them.

Here are the books we use at home:
Herbs, Minerals and Supplements Resource
The Mood Cure
Best Cookbook
Resource Guide for Essential Oils

Oh yeah- You should probably exercise too. I am still working on this one. :)

What the what?

July 8th

I am not ready to share this yet, but I need to write. I need to do something.  So maybe I will expose these later or maybe these posts will be forever kept between me and the screen.

On Sunday, a dear friend sent us a text. She asked that we be praying and if she could give us a call later in the day.

Sully and I both felt like this had to do with a baby.

Turns out- a woman in her church is pregnant  and cannot raise the baby. She has started looking into options. She visited a Planned Parenthood and was clear that she did not want to have an abortion. They told her to seek out someone at her church. She reached out to my friend.  My friend told her about us and with no prompting, the birth mom asked to meet us.

In the words of Tina Fey, "What the what?".

We are meeting her at 10 am on Friday.  Cue the "whats".

What do I wear?

What do I say?

What do I bring?

What do I pray?

At this point hardly anyone knows. But God does. In a weird way, I feel like it is hard for me to pray right now. I'm scared. Scared to get my hopes up.  I am praying the Holy Spirit will just carry us through.


July 11th-

Today is the day. We are meeting a birthmom. It is so interesting how God can bring you to these moments that you never would have imagined on your own.  This morning the Lord brought Deuteronomy 31:8 to mind, "The Lord Himself will go before you".  I know God will be with us this morning.   During our meeting this morning there is actually a second birth mom that will be hearing about us today.  There are a variety of outcomes after today but I have to trust that God is in each one.

I am at peace but only because of Jesus.  I shed a few tears earlier this week and was scared to death.  Then it occurred to me that Satan was trying to shortchange an experience that should make me happy and thankful.  Fear was being a thief and stealing my joy about the open door.

There is still only a small handful of people that know at this point. I have been hesitant to tell people because it is just a first meeting. This young woman has not said for sure that she wants to make an adoption plan.  I think meeting us is a chance for her to figure out if that is something she is interested in.

A friend of mine went through this. She met a birth mom and they decided they would make an adoption plan that included my friend and her husband. They walked through the pregnancy with her, told family had showers and opened their hearts to their soon to be child.  Then, as some birth moms do, she decided to parent. I was talking with my friend to get some advice on this meeting and she said,

" I would just try to speak from your heart as cheesy as that sounds...whether or not this girl chooses adoption, you guys may be the only way that she sees Jesus so just try and love her well in any way you can! If she's early just try to remember that she will probably still have lots of questions and be unsure about things and that's ok. Probably the best way you can make her feel comfortable is just by letting her know that no matter what her decision ends up being, you guys will support her--that's the hardest part I think. Loving her even if she chooses to parent...it's tough."


I am so thankful for the body of Christ.  God collided my life with another young woman who is on this adoption path in a similar way. He allowed her to speak to me from her experience. I hate that she had to walk through something so sad but I am glad that even this point she can still speak about loving like Jesus. That takes a heart that is in love with Jesus.

So now I will work for a few hours and then head out. As much as I want a child, my prayer must be that this mom will feel God's love for her through this meeting. "He must increase and I must decrease".  Everything is about Him.  Even if we welcome a baby in our home, the goal is to bring glory through that child to Him. It is all about Jesus.  The mission for today is not to talk someone into giving us a baby but  to glorify God.

Same Day July 11th-

So it's 10:00 am. We were supposed to be meeting with the birth mom but we're not. Instead, we are praying for her and the baby. She went to the hospital at 3am with bleeding. That is all we know at this point. She sent a text to our mutual friend. She wanted us to know that she had been looking forward to this all week. She really was talking about how she felt God had brought this all together.   Maybe God wants me to show his love through a different journey with her than the one we were expecting.  We don't know what is going on but God does.

Evening of July 11th

The mom is home. They think everything is okay. She goes back for tests next week.  She said she doesn't want to meet us until they tell her the baby is okay. She is very concerned for us and wants to protect our hearts.  I can't imagine how a person who has never met me can have such strong feelings for me.  So now we wait some more.