Holding A Miracle.

Two years ago today, I experienced one of my Top 3 favorite moments of my life. I experienced a day I never thought would be part of my story.   At about this time, I was sitting at Williamson Medical with my favorite people waiting for Ezra to arrive.

If we're new friends, you might not know.

You might not know that we didn't think we could have kids.  You might not know about our failed adoption and how awful that was. I will always remember the burn my eyes felt from the tears.

You might not know about the amazing story of when we found out about our birth mom.

You might not even know the beautiful picture God painted at Emily's birth.

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So there I was at the hospital, wanting to come out as unscathed as possible. My goal was simple, not die.  I have always been terrified of birth and actually never mourned the idea of no delivery when we were waiting for children.

God did so much more than allow me to "not die".

It was about 7pm, everything was prepped and the worship music was going. "Unstoppable God" was playing when my boy entered the world.  My favorite line of that song is, "impossible things in your name will still be done".

On paper, it was impossible for me to be in the place I was that evening.   They handed my son to me and I was overwhelmed.  I held him and all I could utter was, "Thank you Jesus,  I praise you, Jesus".

 I have never felt so close to God in my entire life.  Through my body and into my hands I experienced creation.  Here was this tiny soul, entrusted to me that didn't exist before.  Ezra had been handcrafted and brought here by the power of God and I was holding that in my hands. 

The nature of our Creator was in my hands. 

                                     

I can't believe this baby miracle is two years old today. I feel like someone has hit the fast-forward button on my life.

Nowadays there is much less time holding our miracle and much more time spent chasing, wrestling and FEEDING (but for real, how can he eat so much?) our miracle.

When I was waiting with empty arms, I was so mad at God.

But, oh my word, I would have missed out on the incredible beauty of the moments I experienced when both of my miracles came into the world.

So happy birthday to my boy that it is a living reminder that God is still in the business of doing the amazing. God is still in the business of creating and God is still in the business of doing far more than we can ask or imagine.

In the words of my girl AV,

eucharisteo

Luke 1:37

So we are those people.

Those people who adopt and then get pregnant.

You read that right. I am pregnant.  9 weeks tomorrow. 

I never really thought I would be.

 I am going to spare all of you the details but Sully and I have had the, hmm how should I say this, same “family planning strategy” for the past 5 ½ years. Nothing has changed expect our understanding of God’s plan.

Today, we had a consultation with one of the doctors we are looking at using.  A big banner hangs on the outside of the office.

“nothing shall be impossible.”

We are beyond shocked.  On New Year’s Eve when I got the positive on the test I sat on the floor in utter disbelief.  I think I am still floored.

I know that people say you should wait until after 12 weeks. Maybe we should but my mom experienced a number of losses, many of them after 17 weeks. We are never in control of the time we get to experience a life.   Genetically, I am at an increased risk of miscarriage and stillbirth. I am choosing not to focus on that.

I am going to focus on that Luke 1:37 verse.

I was sure that pregnancy would not get to be a part of our story but God had another plan.

Nothing shall be impossible.

So say hello to our little gummy bear.