Confused... maybe this is normal?

Lately, I feel like I should probably be blogging.

Although, I have no clue what to write.

Most of the time I try to go about my life almost as if an adoption isn't happening.  If I do this, then it is easier to not let myself be captivated by the desire.

When I give in and let myself think about it- the sense of longing is overwhelming.  However, right behind is the desire is some misplaced guilt telling me that if I want it too much, then I am holding that higher than my desire and love for God.

I always want HIM to be my number one. I want to surrender everything to Him.  I know Sully and I are on this process because He wants to make us more like Him. How do I know if we are doing it right? Are we gleaning what we should?

We need to fundraise more but to some extent, its tough at this point. We have no visible signs of movement in a process or nothing exciting to report.

We have been waiting 4 months since approved and 8 months since our first meeting with Bethany.
I know, it's not very long but it feels like ages when there is no visible timeline in sight.

I am confused.  I feel caught in the middle between young married couple w/ no kids and "pregnant" couple waiting for arrival of baby except I have no idea how long I will feel both.

Maybe you feel stuck between where you are and a place you want to be?

I know when it is all said and done it will be a beautiful picture but right now I feel like a painter just staring at the colors with no canvas to paint.