Tomorrow.

So when I started this journey, I committed to blogging. Blogging when I am happy, blogging when I am sad and blogging when I am mad.  Much of this blog has been about the wait and my emotions surrounding it.  Now, I want to share how I feel with a birth mom in the picture.  So many adoption blogs describe the wait and then all the sudden they have babies. I had a hard time finding stories that are similar to ours, which is why I want to share the WHOLE process, not just the beginning and the end.

So tomorrow we go to an ultrasound. Let me say that again- TOMORROW we go to an ULTRASOUND! Thank you Jesus!

 There is so much running through my head.

Will the baby be okay? Will this cause her to want to parent? How do I not become attached after this? At what point do we register for stuff? I wonder what we have to have in the beginning until its final? Names?

The birth mom and I have been texting this week. Some of the sweetest messages I have seen in my life have popped up on my screen. I will treasure them forever.  I am keeping every text image, appointment card and scrap paper involved for this baby.

I really feel blessed to have this opportunity but I fear the feeling of the bottom dropping out.  I know God will sustain us if that happens but its hard to carry two big emotions at the same time. On the one hand, I am so excited that it is actually a possibility now. On the other hand, I am terrified that it will all be undone at some point.

Pray for her. Pray for the baby. Pray for us.

We are going to hear a heartbeat tomorrow. The heartbeat of our maybe baby.