I know.
I have felt it too. That lump in your heart.
I have wanted to escape, to just check out for a few days until the glaring reminder of my non-mommyhood was gone.
In the morning before church on Mother's Day last year, I sat curling my hair and I just cried.
That moment is so vivid. I can even picture my red eyes and the amount of dust I noticed on the full length mirror.
I cried because I wanted a baby. I cried because everyone else knew I wanted a baby and didn't have one. I cried because I just didn't feel like dealing with it. I cried because I felt stuck.
But I am an adult. I wiped my eyes and headed out the door to "work". Was I trying to be fake? No. I am there to teach kids about Jesus and help lead those who do. I didn't want my story to distract from God's story that morning.
Some people in the waiting period stay home on this particular Sunday. To be honest, if I weren't on staff I probably would have stayed home too.
It is a tough thing for churches really. The desire to is to encourage mommas to keep up the hard work, to thank them for the sacrifice. The downside is the delivery can be like an unintentional dagger for those who want the hard work and to have the opportunity for sacrifice.
I promise you, if you are in the spot I was last year, your church leadership hasn't forgotten you. There have been prayers in staff meetings, Bible studies and private quiet times.
Your heavenly Father has not forgotten you.
Last year, something special happened.
Our church was selling corsages for mommas as a missions fundraiser. I just pretended the table wasn't there.
Then a family I adore with three sweet girls, Bella, Gabby and Leila came up to me with a pink corsage.
My face gets weepy just looking at this picture. She didn't pull me aside and give me this big speech or ask me how I was feeling. She just blessed me. It was like she was saying, "I see you and I love you."
This Mother's Day, I will shed tears. I will cry because I am thankful. I will cry because of the sacrifice someone else made to give me the name I have always wanted.
But if you are still waiting, I have been there.
I see you and I love you.
God sees you and He loves you.
