A Few Good Men

It seems that a new allegation of sexual abuse hits the media every.single.day.

I wish I could say I was shocked each time I read the story. I am not. In fact, my own journey has contained some #metoo moments and I am thankful individuals who have been objectified are saying that time is up.

Last night, we watched Kesha's emotional Grammy performance. She sang a song about overcoming past hurt. When I woke up this morning, I was reminded of my past hurts. Hurts that I am not comfortable sharing in this context but they are there.

But I was also reminded of something else.

A different group of men.

A group of men that saw past my gender into my spirit and supported me. Men who encouraged me, men who provided opportunities without solicitation and men who coached me.

There are some real bad eggs out there but there are a few good men still out there. Turns out not all men are creepers.

I am who I am because of the men.

Men like my Dad, who is the ultimate prayer warrior and encourager.

Men like Nate Bush, who led camps and then gave students like me a chance to be on worship teams and leadership groups.

Men like Patrick Snow, who saw a call on my life for Children's Ministry before I even knew what it was.

Men like Brent D'Altilio, who married my best friend at a young age but let me have a front row seat to what a good husband looks like.

Men like Chris Booth, who took time to invest in me as an intern and really taught me how to be effective in practical ministry.

Men like Andy Hudelson, who took a chance on a young college graduate without a resume full of experience. Andy never limited me because I was female.  He gave me a platform to create and preach. Yes, I said the "p" word. Andy only ever did things that would make me better. Andy walked the fine line of boss/pastor/friend in the best way.

Men like Shaun Groves, who was vulnerable enough to share in his struggles. When I walked through my own anxiety/depression journey, his openness was a huge part of my healing.

Men like Brian Seay, who took the role of elder very seriously. He advocated for me for 8 years, prayed for me and spent time walking me through what Biblical discernment looks like. So thankful.

Men like my Husband, Sully Cook, who have loved me unconditionally. This man has seen me at my worst and loves me still. This man is an excellent father who always got up in the middle of the night and never felt like parenting was only for me. This man makes me laugh often and we are truly partners. And, dang that boy can play the drums!

To the men on this list, I am forever grateful.  What may have seemed like your standard mode of operation made a huge impact on me.  In a world that seems to be full of darkness, you men have been light in my life.  Thank you.

Sure, I have a list of men who have hurt me but they have not made me. Jesus used the friends above to establish who I am today.

If you haven't found any men like that in your life, I pray that you do.

They are out there.

Oh, and when you find one....thank them for being one of the good ones.

The Story of Me

Emily turns three in a month.

I have been really intentional about talking to her about adoption. We show her pictures of her birthmom and talk about how we prayed for her.   Children's books are super helpful with explaining adoption to your kids. There is one book in particular that Emily really loves. It's called "The Tummy Mommy"  by Michele Madrid-Branch

In the book, there is a wise old owl that helps the pregnant young woman and the family with empty arms.  I will read it with Emily and sometimes she sleeps with it.

This morning, I was telling her that I loved her so much and I am glad that God gave her to me. 

This was the conversation that followed:

E: "Yeah, the owl just bring me because your belly not worked." 

M: "Well, God brought you. The owl in the story represents God."

E: "Yes. Can you tell me the story of me?"

I don't know if I have a word for surge of emotions I felt when she asked that question. 

 How do I even begin to explain the 3-year journey to her? How do I tell a toddler about all the miraculous ways that God ordained her being in our life, in the five minutes I have before walking out the door? I replied with a shortened version but that question was burned in my brain. 

The story of Emily knocks me to my knees and is my constant reminder that God is present and working on our behalf even when we don't see it. 

As I was driving to work, I thought about the story of her and what I would like to say. So one day, when she has moved past learning her alphabet and counting to 10, she will hear the story. 

My darling Emily, 

The story of you is a story of the goodness of our loving Father.  Our Father is El Roi, which means "God who sees me".  Emily, God saw two women in very different places with two very different prayers and God used you to answer both of these women.  God saw me, your mommy, as I wept and prayed for a child. God saw me and showed me grace when I was angry with Him, that I didn't have you yet. God saw me when I doubted His goodness, and He still answered me.  God saw your birthmom when you were in her belly and was filled with compassion for her. God saw that she was in a place over her head and needed Jehovah-Jirah or the God who provides. You see Emily, your birthmom wanted you to have a life full of love. She wanted you to grow in a home where you would thrive. She wanted to give you everything so she had to give away her everything.  Emily, God also saw you. Remember, He was the One making you. He made your tiny heartbeat as you became my heartbeat. He crafted your gifts and passions. My daughter, the story of you is as story of fulfilled promises of scripture. Promises that you are wonderfully made, that God has a plan for your life, my life and your birthmom's life. Promises that God is a Father from which every good and perfect gift comes. Emily, your life is a good and perfect gift.  You are my answered prayer and my fulfilled promise.  The story of you, my darling, is my favorite. 

<3