What to do when you are struggling with being thankful...

{this is a longer post, skip to the bottom if you need my quick suggestion on how to be thankful)

When I woke up this morning, I started thinking of everything I have to be thankful for and I was moved to tears. I have a wonderful husband, a warm house, food in my fridge and friends to share it with me.   I started thinking about how different  my life could have been if God had not rescued me from myself.   The time I spend thinking about what I don't have on a daily basis causes me to miss out on what I do have.

I was going through the normal Thanksgiving thought that I should be thankful more often.

yay me. what and attitude of gratitude.

Then I got a call from a friend to tell me some exciting news….she's pregnant.  If you have ever wondered if a person can feel two emotions at one time the answer is, yes.  I am very happy for her in my spirit but my gut was feeling something quite different. 

I am genuinely happy for her….and my sister….and my sister-in-law… all pregnant.

I wish the words looked more heartfelt on a computer screen but they know my love.

So lets recap- within minutes of me thanking God for what I had and being proud of myself for it, a big flashing reminder came about the one thing I don't have but want, like really want. 

My friend that called is someone I love dearly. She knows me. She knows where I am at on this journey. She had so much physical compassion for my situation that she cried when she found out she was pregnant because she just wants me to have children too.

I shared with her about how grateful I am for what I do have and how there may be people who look at my situation and want a great job  and great husband, like really want. 

She said she doesn't know how I can have that attitude.

It is not my attitude at all. It is the Holy Spirit working in my life.

Rejoice in the Lord, always. I will say it again, rejoice! -Philippians 4:4 

We hung up. I started cooking, then cried.   I cried not just because I don't have a baby. I didn't even cry because I feel like everyone around me is pregnant.  It was some of those things.

Mostly I was crying because I just don't know what God wants from me on this journey.

So I leaned over on the stove and through the tears, I asked God to show me what He wants. I asked God to change whatever is broken in me.  I asked God to use me and I asked Him to help.

Then I just breathed for awhile. In and out, just resting.

I put on some worship music, began to stir the pumpkin cake and the words, "wait on the Lord, be grateful at all times" came to me.

I said it over and over.  Wait on the Lord.  Be thankful.  God keeps His promises. 

This journey is not about what God wants from me.  This journey is about what God wants for me.

When I was in college there was one year where my sister and my best friend both got married within days of each other and I didn't even have a boyfriend.  My parents were both remarried and I felt like I didn't have a partner or a place. I was very lonely.  (I think my roomie at the time got me through that one. Thanks Court!)

At that moment I felt like God was holding out on me (much like I pray through now) but I now see God was holding out for me.  A few years later- I met Sully.  He is absolutely perfect for me and he was worth the seemingly long wait during my single years.

So if you are still with me in this post, I have a recipe for you.  So if you are having a hard time being grateful this year, think through this while you mash potatoes.

Step 1) Close you eyes
Step 2) Call on Jesus
Step 3) Cry (as needed)
Step 4) Breathe
Step 5) Remember what He has already done and remember His words.

I promise you'll feel better…

because I do.


p.s- Some lyrics from a Ginny Owens song come to mind and I wanted to share them with you.

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reasons why you brought me here.
But just because you love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to.

Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet.

Below is a link for the video if you want to listen to the whole song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtNzOpKvPfw


Be thankful!

FA LA LA LA LA……Just Love round 2

It's that time of year when we all like to stock up on the things that make us feel warm and cozy or give gifts that do.

You may remember our Just Love coffee fundraiser from last year and if you participated, Thank you!

I am excited to begin round 2 this Christmas season because they now have "single serve" pods for  Ke**** makers. You can't call it a K-cup because of copyright but that's okay because it tastes much better than most K-CUPS.

They also have several types of ground coffees and goodies for your coffee and if you click our adopt a journey link you can Christmas shop from home and help us out!

With a few fundraisers we have done in the last month or so we are a bit closer to our goal. We only need $4000 more and we started out with needed $17,000

God is good!

……and so is this coffee, so go buy some!

Changes

I changed the blog.

Through this process God has been changing us.

Through this process God has been changing me.


When we first started this process, I thought more about how God would use us for a child.
Then I thought God really called us so we can provide an option for a birthmother.
From there, my heart changed and I believed this process was really just about how God wanted to grow me.

Last night it hit me.  It's not one of those things more than the other. It isn't really even a process, it's a whole journey.  Yes, it is about the child. Yes, it is about the birthmother and yes, it is about us.  I felt this overwhelming sense that really what we are adopting is a journey.

I have changed the name of the blog to reflect just that.

We are on a journey, a journey where God is going to use us and grow us.
I feel strongly now that even when our placement is complete, our journey will continue.



I hope to write more consistently along the way and I hope you'll join me.