To our birthmom

So tonight we went to a training hosted by Bethany.  At the beginning of the training, they updated us on some things. They have about 7 birthmoms who are due very soon. They won't all place but for  some reason,  it gave me great hope that maybe it could be us.

Moving on...

They had 2 birthmoms come and speak about their experiences. I was really touched by what they had to say. They are so brave to get up there and share their stories. Due to confidentiality, I can't share many details.

But I can share how it made me feel. Below are my thoughts for our birthmom, that I am going to share with you. Whenever we meet her, she will get this letter among many others.

Dear Birthmom,


Tonight Sully and I went to an adoption training. They had a panel of birthmoms talking about their experiences. All I could think about was you. I was thinking about what your story would be, what you look like, how we can minister to you and what part of our joined journey will make you smiles like the girls did tonight. My heart was praying for you as I heard them talking about their hospital visit and walking away with empty arms. You will not leave with empty arms. We will make sure those arms are filled with something that will bring you comfort. I thought of you as the birthmoms shared that they have so much peace. They feel great about their decision. I pray that God gives you the same peace. They talked about picking their families and I imagined you flipping through books and coming to ours. I thought that you might laugh at the picture of Sully and I dressed up for a Halloween party.  If I could talk to you now, I would say God has a beautiful plan for you life and for some reason He has put us in it. We do not take that lightly. The girls tonight gave a message of hope and healing, which is what we want to be a part of for you.   Yes, we want a baby. With every beat in my heart, I want to love a child in my home. Yes we have been praying for that but I can honestly say-I think about you just as much, if not more, than the baby. You are not a means to an end for us. You are created by God and I can't shake the feeling that our lives are supposed to collide. I don't know why but I know I am thinking of you.

-I learned a lot tonight. God is so woven into the fabric of adoption that I can't imagine the process without Him. I am already a changed person and tonight God showed me that even after empty arms and relinquishment papers, God is still writing the story. Sully and I will play a part in a  birthmom and child's life that no one else will play.

After hearing these girls tonight, I am convinced that every piece of paperwork, every picture sorted through and every prayer from their adoptive families was not in vain.

The same will be true for us. Our baby is worth it and our birthmom is worth it.

The Older Brother

This is a raw post. I am going to share emotions that I am not proud of but they're real. 

At our church we use the 252 Basics curriculum, which I love by the way. 

For the last two weeks we have been looking at the story Jesus told about The Prodigal Son.  

I love this story.  My favorite part, "But, while the son was still a long way off, his father ran to him." -Luke 15:20. Beautiful. 

I have always identified with the Younger Brother.  I have messed up and needed forgiveness more times than I can count.  I always thought the Older Brother was just being an irritated first born.  

But lately, I have started to see that the Older Brother wasn't totally off.  As a matter of fact, I have felt like him a lot lately and didn't know it. 

Our theme from the curriculum this month is Forgiveness.  The bottom line from last week was, "When you don't forgive, you miss out".  We told the kids about how the Older Brother missed out on the party because he couldn't get past what he felt he deserved. He missed out the celebration because he couldn't understand why the father was choosing mercy. He felt like he was entitled to all that the younger brother was getting. After all, it was the Older Brother who stayed back.  He was the one that continued to serve and obey.  He couldn't get to forgiveness because of his judgements, so he missed out. 

I came across a story last week of a church that acted as the hands and feet of Jesus.  There was a young girl who was unexpectedly pregnant and didn't have items for the baby. She came to the church for help and they said within a few hours, all the needs were met.  

When I heard about this, a little broken piece of sinful me, cut my heart.  I literally thought,  how fair is this?  I am over here, serving the Lord. My husband and I give our resources(time, money, possessions) to the Kingdom. We just want raise a kid in the Lord.  We have to fill out form after form, pay large amounts of money and we still don't have a child in our arms. Meanwhile, there a girls all around the country who can bring children into the world by accident.   

I was missing out.  I was so focused on what I didn't have that someone else did that I missed the beauty in the story of the girl and the church.  How wonderful that she would ask the church for help! How wonderful that they would provide for her need before the day is out! That is something worth celebrating.  A story of the church getting it right and all I could be was entitled and jealous. 

Thank God for The Holy Spirit.  Because of His grace, I did not stay in this place for long. As I worked through the emotions, I felt The Holy Spirit correcting me, reminding me to not be like the Older Brother.   He was guiding me to a place of peace.  God showed me that the beauty of Him working for the good of one of his children is much more emotionally satisfying than to focus on the part of our journey that isn't how we want it. 

 I will trade seeing jealousy for seeing redemption.  I will trade seeing entitlement for seeing gratitude.  

I will trade seeing my heart for seeing God's. 

….and once again- I am the Younger Brother……...

Adoption Update

 So here we are and it has been 13 months since we were home study approved. 16 months ago, we started the journey.

As I have said before, not much seems to be going on in the dimension that we can see.  I believe, however, that God is orchestrating details and one day it will be a beautiful piece.

Though, I do have a little bit of an update this time.

Sully and I have decided to register with a second adoption agency called Lifeline. http://lifelinechild.org

We have talked with both organizations and they are comfortable with us being registered with both. They said they have had several families go this route.

We found out about Lifeline through our cousin, Christin. Christin and her husband, Jonathan, had a great experience with them.  I felt encouraged by the things she had to say about the organization.

Lifeline had the 3 major things we wanted in an agency.
1) Christian.
2) Offers birthparent counseling.  This was non-negotiable for me.
3) Facilitates domestic adoptions.

Since we are home study approved through Bethany, Lifeline won't have to do as much paper work because many of the health and financial records can just transfer over.

We are currently working through the application with Lifeline and we will keep you all updated on how that goes.

We have been praying about this decision for a few weeks now because Lifeline does not have a sliding scale fee for the adoption. With Bethany, our total costs will be $16,800 if we place with them.  With Lifeline, it will be about $22,000.

We really felt good about Lifeline and that we shouldn't limit ourselves based on a number. There have been other agencies or "facilitators" that we have spoken to with similar costs but did not have a peace about it.  We have peace about this decision.

So this spring it will be back the drawing board with fundraising. We will have the yard sale again. We will be working on grants through the ABBA fund and investigating the Both Hands project. http://www.bothhandsfoundation.org.

We also need to remember to pray. Would you continue to pray with us? I find myself  sometimes not wanting to pray about it because I don't want to "want it" too much. Does that make sense?  So if Sully and I pop in your head, will you intercede for us?