The Older Brother

This is a raw post. I am going to share emotions that I am not proud of but they're real. 

At our church we use the 252 Basics curriculum, which I love by the way. 

For the last two weeks we have been looking at the story Jesus told about The Prodigal Son.  

I love this story.  My favorite part, "But, while the son was still a long way off, his father ran to him." -Luke 15:20. Beautiful. 

I have always identified with the Younger Brother.  I have messed up and needed forgiveness more times than I can count.  I always thought the Older Brother was just being an irritated first born.  

But lately, I have started to see that the Older Brother wasn't totally off.  As a matter of fact, I have felt like him a lot lately and didn't know it. 

Our theme from the curriculum this month is Forgiveness.  The bottom line from last week was, "When you don't forgive, you miss out".  We told the kids about how the Older Brother missed out on the party because he couldn't get past what he felt he deserved. He missed out the celebration because he couldn't understand why the father was choosing mercy. He felt like he was entitled to all that the younger brother was getting. After all, it was the Older Brother who stayed back.  He was the one that continued to serve and obey.  He couldn't get to forgiveness because of his judgements, so he missed out. 

I came across a story last week of a church that acted as the hands and feet of Jesus.  There was a young girl who was unexpectedly pregnant and didn't have items for the baby. She came to the church for help and they said within a few hours, all the needs were met.  

When I heard about this, a little broken piece of sinful me, cut my heart.  I literally thought,  how fair is this?  I am over here, serving the Lord. My husband and I give our resources(time, money, possessions) to the Kingdom. We just want raise a kid in the Lord.  We have to fill out form after form, pay large amounts of money and we still don't have a child in our arms. Meanwhile, there a girls all around the country who can bring children into the world by accident.   

I was missing out.  I was so focused on what I didn't have that someone else did that I missed the beauty in the story of the girl and the church.  How wonderful that she would ask the church for help! How wonderful that they would provide for her need before the day is out! That is something worth celebrating.  A story of the church getting it right and all I could be was entitled and jealous. 

Thank God for The Holy Spirit.  Because of His grace, I did not stay in this place for long. As I worked through the emotions, I felt The Holy Spirit correcting me, reminding me to not be like the Older Brother.   He was guiding me to a place of peace.  God showed me that the beauty of Him working for the good of one of his children is much more emotionally satisfying than to focus on the part of our journey that isn't how we want it. 

 I will trade seeing jealousy for seeing redemption.  I will trade seeing entitlement for seeing gratitude.  

I will trade seeing my heart for seeing God's. 

….and once again- I am the Younger Brother……...