If I can be honest.

When I share, I heal.
If I can be honest, I would like to share my heart with you.
So if you're interested, for just a few moments, I want to be honest with you.

If I can be honest, take advantage of every opportunity to grow your faith in Jesus. Get off Facebook for a second and read your Bible. If you have kids, take every opportunity to invest in their spiritual formation.  In times of grief, their sports stats don't matter. In times of grief, that pinterest-perfect lunch doesn't matter.  In times of grief, God's words matter.  Make learning the Bible with your kids a priority.  Talk about faith as a family, make church a priority and serve in the ministries where your kids are.   I will honestly say that the Holy Spirit has been whispering God's sweet words to me so clearly the last few days. These words I learned as a child to get a sticker on a chart in Sunday school, have been an anchor for me.  The Sundays when my parents would have liked to stay in bed, gave me a foundation of turning to my church in times of sadness. Those times when my parents would speak scripture to me as a teen and it was met with an eye roll, did not come back void.  They are treasures.

           Psalm 119:105 "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

           Matthew 19:26 "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

           Ephesians 3:20 "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine."

           Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid;
Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. 

The hymn, "The Solid Rock" sums it up. 

1. My hope is built on nothing less
   Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
   I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
   But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
   • Chorus:
     On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
     All other ground is sinking sand,
     All other ground is sinking sand.
2. When darkness veils His lovely face,
   I rest on His unchanging grace;
   In every high and stormy gale,
   My anchor holds within the veil.
3. His oath, His covenant, His blood
   Support me in the whelming flood;
   When all around my soul gives way,
   He then is all my hope and stay.
4. When He shall come with trumpet sound,
   Oh, may I then in Him be found;
   Dressed in His righteousness alone,
   Faultless to stand before the throne

If I can be honest,  I am selfishly thankful that in the valleys of our life, God has provided us with  friends who have already walked it. When I struggled with anxiety and sadness, God gave us Shaun and Becky.  In this low, God has given us Ashley and Trevor. *Meeting them several months ago was such a divine collision and I will remember it for the rest of my life.  God promises to always be with us but I am glad that He sends His children to be a physical reminder that we are not alone in our struggle.   There is an immeasurable peace to walking a path with a friend leading the way. 

If I can be honest, I am cut pretty deep and a part of me wants to give up. My heart hurts.  So many things make me want to cry and I still feel disoriented.
I refuse to stay this way. 

We are pressing on and beginning again.  We will rise and we will shine.  We are going to pick back up on the approval process for a second agency.  We will continue to fundraise since the second agency has a higher placement fee. When God brings us another birth mom, we will give her the same love and excitement we gave before. We will pray for her the same way we prayed before.  This is not the end. 

Thank you for letting me share.