Yeah, What Lady GaGa Said.

 14 days, 18 hours, 26 minutes and the seconds pass as I type.

It could be any day now but who knows.

14 days, 18 hours and 24 minutes.

Who's counting?

I search my brain for analogies and word pictures to describe this moment.  I feel differently than I thought I would.

Excited? Yes. Afraid? Yes. Ready? What does that even mean? Is anyone really ready to have the life of a human being in their hands?

The best description I can muster is, the edge.  We are approaching the edge of something.  The end of one moment and the genesis of another.

In the words of the wise theologian Lady GaGa, "I'm on the edge of glory and I'm hanging on a moment of truth. Out on the edge of glory and I'm hanging on a moment with you."

I feel as if I am on the edge of glory.  The opportunity to give God glory in this, this paramount moment in my life no matter how it turns out.  At the same time, She is on the edge of glory.  How She has honored God through this and made the hard choice. How She has trusted Him to redeem this situation in Her life. This approaching moment, this wave drawing near will be an unmatched act of love.  We are on the edge of something.

What always accompanies the edge of glory?

Fear.

God commands us to move in spite of fear.

Build the ark, take Isaac up the mountain, walk through the Red Sea, cross the Jordan, fight Goliath, stand in Nebuchadnezzar's fire, go to Bethlehem, follow Him, get out of the boat, stay awake to pray, see the tomb, touch the nail scars and spread the Word.

God wants us to approach the edges which will give His name the most glory.

Why?

Because we need to be there.  Less of us means more of Him.

"The power to do what we do comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:5 (NIRV)

The edge of glory is where His power is and I'm blessed to be here.

Brain Whirlwind

This weekend was a whirlwind for me.

As some of you know, I am an advocate for the benefits of Young Living Oils for your health.  A generous friend encouraged me to go to a weekend of training and product education. She even scholarshiped my registration!

The day of the conference, I did not want to go. Wasn't feeling it, what I was feeling was....anxious.

She had not called the doctor,  I hadn't slept great and I just wanted to be alone (which is weird if you know me).  I was scared. Scared of this all slipping away.

I believe God brought Young Living to me at just the right time and uses it in my life at just the right time.

I did not want to distribute YL products. I even told my friend Anita that I would never do it. God opened the doors and I have earned close to $2000 (w/o super trying).  That money has gone straight to Baby Cook fund!

I love learning about natural health.  Surprisingly, my knowledge of natural health comes into play often in my ministry.  This weekend that I wanted to avoid because of anxiety surrounding our future was FULL of information on healing the body with nutrition and supplements.  I geeked out a TON! I feel so equipped to handle the health challenges that may come our way!

If anything else this weekend was an emotional break. I needed it.  God knew that and so did the enemy.

Thursday night, in the middle of a session, She sent me a 2 minute video of the baby in her belly. I could see the little squish moving all over the place. I have never been so amazed at a belly in an Auburn t-shirt.  To whoever spoke on Thursday night at Thrive, I'm sorry- I have no idea what you said. :)

Joy.

Friday, She was supposed to meet with the lawyer at 3pm. I was glad I was going to be in session all day to pass the time.  The meeting got moved up to 11.  At 12:15, She called and gave me some really good news.

Joy.

An hour later She sent me the time and date of a doctors appointment. THANK YOU JESUS!

Joy.

That evening She sent me some of the most precious text messages I have ever received.  I am not going to share them here but just know, God is at work folks.


The Giver lavished many gifts this weekend.  Peace, joy, answers, wellness and abundance all from Him.

Oh and by the way, only 2 more sleeps until we get to see this baby on an ultrasound!

Don't count in sleeps? It's Monday at 2!

Petition?

 
I can't see it.

I can't picture it.  I try to imagine us at the hospital and us with a baby but it is very cloudy, a strain to make anything out.

I keep feeling like this will fail too.  God carried me through that once and I know He can do it again but I can't foresee any other outcomes besides me on the floor crying again.

I am blinded by my fear.

Since December, I have been trying.  Even before I knew about Her, I have tried to count the gifts and number my thanks.  In January, I tried to better understand prayer.  I still have so many questions.   God has a plan laid out but His word tells us that we should plead our cases to Him? Does He truly change His mind or was our petitioning just part of that plan?  I am not sure I will ever grasp how the uniqueness of prayer works. I am not sure we are supposed to.  The throne of God can't be  simplified to a process or system. We can't control it.

I am struggling. Struggling to believe that Jesus would give any other outcome besides the hard one.  I have this thought in my head that I have to go through only hard things to show my love and loyalty to Him.

I find myself not wanting to pray about this or feeling like I am not praying enough.  What does enough prayer even look like?

The Spirit whispered Paul's words to me this morning.

Philippians 4

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Paul doesn't say that if we petition, we will get our desired outcome.  Instead, he says that if we petition God, He will give us unexplainable peace.

So I will petition for peace. I will practice trading my fear, worry and doubt for what is true, pure and lovely.

Will you join me?